So, trying out new things promotion and release wise. The Crow Girl sequel, "The Flight of Crow GIrl" will be released in paperback as soon as createspace sends Amazon the file. For now, it's Free for download on instafreebie. Also if you sign up for my newsletter you will get a welcome email with a link to download the original Crow Girl for free.
So that's done. Now I'm going back to attempting to record an audio book after being busy with that all day. The first time I attempted this was my last day off. I was rearing and reading to go and attempted to record for hours. Stepped back, took a break, and joined a facebook group for ACX narrators and got some help.
Now I'm back on my day off again. I've got my headset on. I've got Audacity pulled up. I've got the manuscript pulled up.......and I"m feeling like a total knob for sitting here talking to myself.
I should probably get up and eat something since the calories I have consumed since I woke up came from coffee and coffee creamer. I'll probably need some Jameson too.
Then I'll have to record a little bit at the end of the book thanking Jameson and Kerrygold for making the booze and cheese that got me through recording this audio book.
I DO have several books posted for audition on ACX that need accents I'm not sure I can do or a male narrator. I should, in theory, be able to record this series myself, since I've been performing in some capacity or the other since I was 7. I've done live theatre, sang solos, DANCED solos, done monoloques, etc.
Maybe I need to bring my laptop to starbucks and perform this audio book for everyone there. Maybe what's missing is the audience. Do you think they would ban me if I made it entertaining and kept buying frappucinos while I was there? Even when I get to the part in the book about the botanist with a foot fetish? Maybe they'll even let me stay when I start talking dick pics? Startbucks is pretty liberal, right?
<A HREF="myBook.to/salome">Salome:A Modern Retelling</A> is free today on Amazon. This is not a biblical tale in the slightest. Herod is a drug lord and John is a snitch. I also killed someone who was irritating me on Facebook in this book. T
So, today is my day off. Record an audio book, I said. You could probably finish one book on your day off, I said. THAT IS TOTALLY NOT HAPPENING.
I did my research. I knew how to format it to upload it and what is required. I had Audacity up and ready to go.
I get two words of the title out and am like, that is awful and delete it. Eek out the title and my name. Hit play. My air conditioner is still fucked, but should be fixed soon. You can totally hear the fan I have in the room with me in the background. Fiddle around with recording the title about 4 more times and eventually figure out how to remove the noise and a little help from mah friends.
Technically, I SHOULD be recording the first chapter right now. I have it pulled up and ready to go. I know how to remove the fan noise now. But it's storming, yet again, because we are in the middle of hurricane season and my not so bright dog thinks we're in the middle of a home invasion or something. I've got two dogs. The pit bull, who is blissfully passed out on my bed and would probably want to play with a robber if I actually was in the middle of a home invasion. She's pretty much the worst guard dog ever.
Then you have my mutant bratwurst dog. How can a dog be a mutant bratwurst? See, this whole designer hybrid phase people are doing totally creates mutant bratwurst dogs. Basically, someone bred two dogs together and created a mutt that people will pay a ton of money for because they slapped the label designer hybrid on it and made up stories about how he's a magical unicorn. I didn't pay designer hybrid prices for him. I paid Heinz 57 adoption fees for him, then found out later he's a magical unicorn.
I try to remind him he's a magical unicorn when he's doing things like licking my kindle when I'm trying to read, barking when I'm trying to record an audio book, and destroying my bed sheets because he hates toys. He's content to just be a mutant bratwurst and do his own thing though and that's okay because he's really affectionate and an awesome snuggler. And hey, if this was a home invasion and not a thunder storm, this pit bull wouldn't make a peep, so I've got a 20lb mutant bratwurst protecting the house just in case.
I'm sure when I hit publish on this blog and go back to trying to record, he's going to start barking again. I'm not going to yell at him because I don't yell at my dogs. I'll go in there and scratch his belly and see if he goes to sleep
Did you watch the Crow Girl trailer? Did you notice the music in there? I had a hard time finding the right music since music plays such a big part of the book and I named several musicians. The music is actually by Indie Author Johnny Moscato, who ALSO has a free book today.
The Book of Jimmy Darwin is FREE today on Amazon and is an excellent read. While you're there, check out The Project which I read and reviewed last week and is a 5 star read all the way
Crow Girl is FREE today on Amazon. You can pick it up on Amazon and have it delivered to your kindle like magic.
ALSO, ALSO The Crow Girl sequel is DONE. It's not polished or edited, but it's done. I'm going to be releasing this one a little differently. After going on a hunt for Beta readers and ARC reviewers, I plan on listing it on Instafreebie for about 2 weeks because I'm trying something out.
SO, You can get Crow Girl free today, then if I ever get this shit edited, polished, and beta read, watch this space, because you can also get it on Instafreebie for a short time.
THEN it will go on Amazon. I also have 1 of a few book trailers made for the series. I'm still figuring out this stupid video software and I had to valiantly protect my laptop from a 14lb ginger cat who REALLY wanted to get at that video of the bird, but check out the book trailer for the series
View the book Trailer
All the feels for sequels
I'm getting all sorts of feels and ideas for sequels to both Crow Girl and Salome. Not like, extended series like the Mauve books, more like me hopping on stage, having my say, dropping the mic, and exiting stage left. I've been thinking maybe I should just jump on a real stage and grab a mic from someone, but they tend to arrest you for that. If I write these sequels, I can sit quietly behind my computer with my coffee and this fucking cat who keeps trying to sit on my mouse.
I never actually set out to write any series at all. I've actually been reading several series by several famous authors since I was around 13 or so. Mainly, I stole them from my mum or read the back while she was grocery shopping and demanded she buy it for me. My mum let me read all sorts of inappropriate things as a child.
As I am much older than thirteen now, I still read some of these series, almost 30 years later. Now that I'm writing, when I read these series, they kind of scare me. I see they are popular and hell, I've been reading them for decades. But in most cases, these series are all the author writes anymore and they write full time, unlike me.
I kind of think about how their fans would react if they decided to totally switch genres and write something else. Say, a crime writer gets an idea for a fantasy book or a fantasy writer wants to switch and write a political thriller. These authors have a fan base who expects certain things from their books and I wonder if they ever feel trapped by their series and characters or if they enjoy writing them just as much as the first time they created them.
Obviously, I have 0 fan base and I write what pops in my head or what I happened to dream that night. I'm pretty much all over the place genre-wise and that's where I prefer to stay. I had a blast writing The Spirus series and have ideas for future books. The Mauve series is going to follow her complete training until they eventually catch The Arm. I don't know if I'll continue once she's a fully trained agent. There may be something there when I get to that point, but I will keep writing the series until she gets her black belt and catches The Arm. She's only working on her green belt right now, so there's several more books like.
So yeah, the idea of writing a series and it catching on scares the shit out of me. Don't ask me why I have ideas for sequels popping into my head every night when I'm trying to sleep, but they are. I'm getting faster at writing, so the Crow Girl and Salome sequel may end up happening between Mauve books. I have no idea if these sequels keep popping into my head because my latest books are a lot shorter than my first three and maybe I'm just not FINISHED with it when I think I am. Maybe when I think I'm done, I need to stick it in a ziplock baggie in the fridge to marinate for a few days or go sit in the corner with a dunce cap on until I'm SURE I've said everything I wanted to say.
Oh, and by the way, Mauve: Origins is back to being perma free on Amazon now that my KU enrollment is up. I'm going to say don't go download it because it you like it, you may download the other books, then other people might do the same and people might start expecting things from me.
I'm going to go sit awkwardly in the corner with my dunce cap now
The original Special Agent Mauve story is getting a few new updates. I recently went through and cleaned it up and gave it similar formatting and graphics like the second book and what I'm doing with the third book.
Since my Kindle unlimited enrollment for the Origins story will be up on the 4th and I can go back to making it permafree (read the fine print, people. It saves lives). I decided to update the cover on Origins so that it's more in line with the second book and what I did with the third.
The new cover will be submitted tomorrow and the book will go back to always being free on the 5th, or as soon as Amazon responds to my message and makes it free again.
But lets have a cover reveal in the meantime, shall we?
Mauve Part 3, the saga continues.
There's a new hacker group that could possibly bring Mauve and her team closer to The Arm. To gain access to The Vipers and to get closer to The Arm, Mauve, Cadmium, and Jeremy must go deep under cover in Louisiana, pretending to be claims adjusters. The new bounty on the hacker forum involves a program written written Affirmative, Jeremy's previous employer and Mauve and her team's last bust. The program is meant to exploit the high insurance fraud in Louisiana and give the hackers the data to blackmail those committing fraud.
While in New Orleans, the mysterious Cadmium's past blows up on everyone there. Armed with the tools they need, our trio returns home to continue their training and see how many busts they can get from this one undercover operation. Can they get The Arm this time?
So, my house is still burning hot. Back into the attic.
I found this random piece of flex duct that doesn't connect to another piece of duct, is not sealed, and just blows everywhere. I'm pretty sure it's the reason why it's always winter and never Christmas in Narnia. I'm actually out of everything I need to patch duct work because the work is so shitty. Did not have time to make a Lowe's run.
Tore the house apart looking for duct take. Found a lint roller. Covered the end of the duct with that until metal tape can be procured. The AC is blowing, just not hard. Was going to go outside and attempt to shop vac the hell out of my outside unit, but you know, Louisiana, hurricane season, and that whole Cindy thing is going on.
As soon as I shut the attic, the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa." It's been storming all day. If the rain ever decides to stop and dry up outside, I'll get out there with the shop vac.
I did get some very hot writing done. It's kind of like hot yoga. You sweat your ass off while trying to breathe and concentrate and you shift positions often. Special Agent Mauve: Mission-Viper is nearly done. I just need to finish setting the scene for the next book. NO CLIFF HANGER because I hate them, just some scene building.
I decided with this book to go home for a scene. I've published about 15 works so far and only 1 book for 1 chapter takes place in Louisiana. So little Mauve goes undercover in Louisiana to deal with insurance fraud. I used a little real life experience because my life for a little while was insurance fraud. All the crazy, ridiculous things about living here made the book. Go cups, drive-thru daiquiri shops, Jesus personally making appearances in car accidents, #rallypossum, Bourbon street, casino buffets, and epic amounts of Cajun food are all in the book. We also get hit face first with Cadmium's mysterious past.
There's more hackers and more about the mysterious Arm. I'm trying to see how utterly ridiculous I can get with fake names and aliases before someone pulls me aside and tells me I went too far. Since I'm setting up the scene for the third book to deal with some of the darker SubReddits, I fully expect those emails once it's done
Adulting instead of writing
My time has been short writing wise due to work commitments. And this fucking air conditioner.
Two weeks ago, my AC wasn't cooling and wasn't at the temperature I set it at. Texted my AC guy, no response. Went up into the attic and noticed two pieces of duct had never been connected together properly and were currently about 6 inches apart. Text AC guy. No response. So I was basically like FINE! My 5'4 ginger ass is going to patch that duct work with Dr Google and youtube!
I find the part I need at Amazon because Lowe's didn't have it. Get the duct work properly connected, sealed, and duct taped to all hell. Feel more cold air. Rip more insulation off and see that the main duct that goes into the attic unit is just in there with no mastic to seal it. So I seal it.
My house is still hot and the AC is still running constantly. So I'm up in my attic, contorting myself around beams like I'm a Cirque du Soliel performer. I find ANOTHER joint that wasn't sealed properly. No mastic, no tape. The two pieces were just places together and covered in insulation.
Patch that and it's even hotter in here now. MY COCONUT OIL IS LIQUID!
So tomorrow, when I'm off, I hope I have enough tape to pull off every single bit of insulation to see how many other presents I find in my duct work so that my house will go back to a normal temperature.
Seriously, I think when they went to install the duct work in my attic, they went to the old Walmart that always smelled like popcorn and BO and got torn down 7 years ago, walked up to the first person they saw, and said, hey! We'll pay for whatever you are buying and throw in a $20 if you put some duct work in this attic! Either that, or it was a two fingered chimpanzee. I haven't decided yet. I just know I'd like solid coconut oil again and not have to deal with Louisiana heat and humidity while I'm inside my house
What do hackers, a hairless cat, hipsters, a botanist with a foot fetish, and dick pics have in common?
You probably sent me a messed up PM on facebook and got snarked on in Mauve's full length book. Nothing is sacred and I make fun of everything.
I think I went a little more Palahniuk than The Naked Gun with this one, but it's still in the same spirit as the original short story, even if I got a little gross. Grosser than barfing on someone. (That entire thing with the eggrolls totally happened to me in real life in the 6th grade when I was traveling with a group. I was stuck in a van for hours with just a garbage bag and a bunch of people mad at me for getting food poisoning) Thankfully, most gas station food has progressed since way back when I was 11. There's a pretty sweet gas station by my parents house that sells Greek food in the corner. Like, real, delicious Greek food that doesn't give you food poisoning.
Which is more than I can say for the grocery story by my house. Sometimes, when I edit, I need donuts. I crave donuts. I go all Homer Simpson for donuts and can't get any work done unless I get a donut in my face hole. Do you know how awful it is to get donuts ruined for you because you got food poisoning from donuts from the grocery store by your house? It put me off donuts for a good month. Until I needed to edit again.
Protip: When editing or writing, the Waitr app will deliver delicious donuts, Greek food, or Indian food directly to your facehole so you don't have to take a break to cook if you're in the middle of an intense scene
Special Agent Mauve was a silly little short story I wrote based on a dream I had and a rather mortifying experience in the sixth grade (if you've read it, the eggrolls happened to me in real life). A few reviewers have gotten upset with me because it wasn't longer and thought it ended too quickly.
So little Agent Mauve is getting her own full length novel. I'm about 15K words in. We see more of Mauve's personal life and there is a new mission with new shenanigans. Will Mauve save the day in her own special way?
I'm also working on the fourth book in the Spirus series. We learn more about the tribes and Lisana finally takes the throne. We learn more about the crowning ceremonies for the tribes and we explore what the Spirus gifts can do in this book.
There are things that are required viewing when I'm writing. There's either movies I watch or television shows. I ended up switching from showtime to Starz when I found out Starz was doing both the White Princess and American Gods. I also found a plethora of period time shows for me to watch while I'm working on the Spirus books. How did I not have Starz before? I've watched Outlander, Pillars of the Earth, and now I'm watching Davinci's Demons.
There is different required viewing for the Mauve series, which I'm working on at the same time. The fact that I can stream every single season of the Golden Girls is quite a beautiful thing. I'm working my way through season 1 as I write. Blanche is my spirit animal and I speak Sophia.
Also, Midnight's Sonata will be free on Amazon tomorrow. So be on the lookout. Mauve is getting her own book and the fourth book in the Spirus series will be dropping soon
Crow Girl is FREE today on Amazon. Based on Irish folklore, Girl Girl follows Liam Collins and the wild girl that shows up in his garden patch stealing his peas
I've been working on Crow Girl for the past three weeks and it's finally done. I was watching a zombie show when the idea came to me, then I threw in a little Ben Folds song, then Crow Girl was born. Oddly, there's no zombies in Crow Girl, just some Irish Folklore and some really awesome swear words I found.
I'm pretty proud of Crow Girl and hope people like it. You can get Crow Girl on Amazon, either through KDP or purchase Here
You can find the first 5-6 chapters for free on Instafreebie right here
I should pretty much never be left to my own devices. Like, ever. I need to be doing,minimum, two things at once. I had this covered up until recently. Now, I'm trying to bide my time by making the second thing I do during the day is read during down time.
I'm in a few review groups on goodreads. I had chosen a book from one of these review groups and was waiting on a copy. Two days had gone by and it still hadn't arrived. So I'm sitting here, just doing one thing, which is always dangerous.
So yeah, this happened.
Why is your cat always plotting your death? Why do they always have to fuck shit up? What's REALLY with them always shoving their butthole in your face and why do they have to rub it on everything?
It should be up on Amazon probably tomorrow. It should be up on a few extended distribution shortly. Google play to come. It's totally silly, but there's some cat tips from my years of fostering cats