The original Special Agent Mauve story is getting a few new updates. I recently went through and cleaned it up and gave it similar formatting and graphics like the second book and what I'm doing with the third book.
Since my Kindle unlimited enrollment for the Origins story will be up on the 4th and I can go back to making it permafree (read the fine print, people. It saves lives). I decided to update the cover on Origins so that it's more in line with the second book and what I did with the third.
The new cover will be submitted tomorrow and the book will go back to always being free on the 5th, or as soon as Amazon responds to my message and makes it free again.
But lets have a cover reveal in the meantime, shall we?
Mauve Part 3, the saga continues.
There's a new hacker group that could possibly bring Mauve and her team closer to The Arm. To gain access to The Vipers and to get closer to The Arm, Mauve, Cadmium, and Jeremy must go deep under cover in Louisiana, pretending to be claims adjusters. The new bounty on the hacker forum involves a program written written Affirmative, Jeremy's previous employer and Mauve and her team's last bust. The program is meant to exploit the high insurance fraud in Louisiana and give the hackers the data to blackmail those committing fraud.
While in New Orleans, the mysterious Cadmium's past blows up on everyone there. Armed with the tools they need, our trio returns home to continue their training and see how many busts they can get from this one undercover operation. Can they get The Arm this time?
So, my house is still burning hot. Back into the attic.
I found this random piece of flex duct that doesn't connect to another piece of duct, is not sealed, and just blows everywhere. I'm pretty sure it's the reason why it's always winter and never Christmas in Narnia. I'm actually out of everything I need to patch duct work because the work is so shitty. Did not have time to make a Lowe's run.
Tore the house apart looking for duct take. Found a lint roller. Covered the end of the duct with that until metal tape can be procured. The AC is blowing, just not hard. Was going to go outside and attempt to shop vac the hell out of my outside unit, but you know, Louisiana, hurricane season, and that whole Cindy thing is going on.
As soon as I shut the attic, the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa." It's been storming all day. If the rain ever decides to stop and dry up outside, I'll get out there with the shop vac.
I did get some very hot writing done. It's kind of like hot yoga. You sweat your ass off while trying to breathe and concentrate and you shift positions often. Special Agent Mauve: Mission-Viper is nearly done. I just need to finish setting the scene for the next book. NO CLIFF HANGER because I hate them, just some scene building.
I decided with this book to go home for a scene. I've published about 15 works so far and only 1 book for 1 chapter takes place in Louisiana. So little Mauve goes undercover in Louisiana to deal with insurance fraud. I used a little real life experience because my life for a little while was insurance fraud. All the crazy, ridiculous things about living here made the book. Go cups, drive-thru daiquiri shops, Jesus personally making appearances in car accidents, #rallypossum, Bourbon street, casino buffets, and epic amounts of Cajun food are all in the book. We also get hit face first with Cadmium's mysterious past.
There's more hackers and more about the mysterious Arm. I'm trying to see how utterly ridiculous I can get with fake names and aliases before someone pulls me aside and tells me I went too far. Since I'm setting up the scene for the third book to deal with some of the darker SubReddits, I fully expect those emails once it's done
Adulting instead of writing
My time has been short writing wise due to work commitments. And this fucking air conditioner.
Two weeks ago, my AC wasn't cooling and wasn't at the temperature I set it at. Texted my AC guy, no response. Went up into the attic and noticed two pieces of duct had never been connected together properly and were currently about 6 inches apart. Text AC guy. No response. So I was basically like FINE! My 5'4 ginger ass is going to patch that duct work with Dr Google and youtube!
I find the part I need at Amazon because Lowe's didn't have it. Get the duct work properly connected, sealed, and duct taped to all hell. Feel more cold air. Rip more insulation off and see that the main duct that goes into the attic unit is just in there with no mastic to seal it. So I seal it.
My house is still hot and the AC is still running constantly. So I'm up in my attic, contorting myself around beams like I'm a Cirque du Soliel performer. I find ANOTHER joint that wasn't sealed properly. No mastic, no tape. The two pieces were just places together and covered in insulation.
Patch that and it's even hotter in here now. MY COCONUT OIL IS LIQUID!
So tomorrow, when I'm off, I hope I have enough tape to pull off every single bit of insulation to see how many other presents I find in my duct work so that my house will go back to a normal temperature.
Seriously, I think when they went to install the duct work in my attic, they went to the old Walmart that always smelled like popcorn and BO and got torn down 7 years ago, walked up to the first person they saw, and said, hey! We'll pay for whatever you are buying and throw in a $20 if you put some duct work in this attic! Either that, or it was a two fingered chimpanzee. I haven't decided yet. I just know I'd like solid coconut oil again and not have to deal with Louisiana heat and humidity while I'm inside my house
What do hackers, a hairless cat, hipsters, a botanist with a foot fetish, and dick pics have in common?
You probably sent me a messed up PM on facebook and got snarked on in Mauve's full length book. Nothing is sacred and I make fun of everything.
I think I went a little more Palahniuk than The Naked Gun with this one, but it's still in the same spirit as the original short story, even if I got a little gross. Grosser than barfing on someone. (That entire thing with the eggrolls totally happened to me in real life in the 6th grade when I was traveling with a group. I was stuck in a van for hours with just a garbage bag and a bunch of people mad at me for getting food poisoning) Thankfully, most gas station food has progressed since way back when I was 11. There's a pretty sweet gas station by my parents house that sells Greek food in the corner. Like, real, delicious Greek food that doesn't give you food poisoning.
Which is more than I can say for the grocery story by my house. Sometimes, when I edit, I need donuts. I crave donuts. I go all Homer Simpson for donuts and can't get any work done unless I get a donut in my face hole. Do you know how awful it is to get donuts ruined for you because you got food poisoning from donuts from the grocery store by your house? It put me off donuts for a good month. Until I needed to edit again.
Protip: When editing or writing, the Waitr app will deliver delicious donuts, Greek food, or Indian food directly to your facehole so you don't have to take a break to cook if you're in the middle of an intense scene
Special Agent Mauve was a silly little short story I wrote based on a dream I had and a rather mortifying experience in the sixth grade (if you've read it, the eggrolls happened to me in real life). A few reviewers have gotten upset with me because it wasn't longer and thought it ended too quickly.
So little Agent Mauve is getting her own full length novel. I'm about 15K words in. We see more of Mauve's personal life and there is a new mission with new shenanigans. Will Mauve save the day in her own special way?
I'm also working on the fourth book in the Spirus series. We learn more about the tribes and Lisana finally takes the throne. We learn more about the crowning ceremonies for the tribes and we explore what the Spirus gifts can do in this book.
There are things that are required viewing when I'm writing. There's either movies I watch or television shows. I ended up switching from showtime to Starz when I found out Starz was doing both the White Princess and American Gods. I also found a plethora of period time shows for me to watch while I'm working on the Spirus books. How did I not have Starz before? I've watched Outlander, Pillars of the Earth, and now I'm watching Davinci's Demons.
There is different required viewing for the Mauve series, which I'm working on at the same time. The fact that I can stream every single season of the Golden Girls is quite a beautiful thing. I'm working my way through season 1 as I write. Blanche is my spirit animal and I speak Sophia.
Also, Midnight's Sonata will be free on Amazon tomorrow. So be on the lookout. Mauve is getting her own book and the fourth book in the Spirus series will be dropping soon
Crow Girl is FREE today on Amazon. Based on Irish folklore, Girl Girl follows Liam Collins and the wild girl that shows up in his garden patch stealing his peas
I've been working on Crow Girl for the past three weeks and it's finally done. I was watching a zombie show when the idea came to me, then I threw in a little Ben Folds song, then Crow Girl was born. Oddly, there's no zombies in Crow Girl, just some Irish Folklore and some really awesome swear words I found.
I'm pretty proud of Crow Girl and hope people like it. You can get Crow Girl on Amazon, either through KDP or purchase Here
You can find the first 5-6 chapters for free on Instafreebie right here
I should pretty much never be left to my own devices. Like, ever. I need to be doing,minimum, two things at once. I had this covered up until recently. Now, I'm trying to bide my time by making the second thing I do during the day is read during down time.
I'm in a few review groups on goodreads. I had chosen a book from one of these review groups and was waiting on a copy. Two days had gone by and it still hadn't arrived. So I'm sitting here, just doing one thing, which is always dangerous.
So yeah, this happened.
Why is your cat always plotting your death? Why do they always have to fuck shit up? What's REALLY with them always shoving their butthole in your face and why do they have to rub it on everything?
It should be up on Amazon probably tomorrow. It should be up on a few extended distribution shortly. Google play to come. It's totally silly, but there's some cat tips from my years of fostering cats
Where is my Mind
I published The Spirus on Christmas day. Since then, I've published the prequel and I've furiously written most of another book.
When I was nearly done with the prequel to the Spirus, I knew I wanted to write the Salome story, but I kinda wanted to do it Norma Desmond style and not Oscar Wilde. As I'm writing the prequel, my brain starts screaming at me, but WHAT if you take it totally in this direction and go totally into left field with the Salome story?
My head would literally not stop screaming at me about the Salome story. I took about a weeks break and furiously wrote about 40K words in a week. Spent, I went back and finished the prequel and hit publish around February 15th or so.
I've been working on the Salome story since then and it's up to a little over 92K words in maybe 2-3 weeks. I'm pretty much done except the last chapter. Except I'm staring at this last chapter like my pit bull when I give her a crunchy treat. I have it in my mouth and I know I want to eat it, but I'm so excited, I've forgotten what to do with it. So I'm doing what she does when she gets a cookie. I'm essentially running around the room and jumping on and off the bed with a cookie in my mouth like, "I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M EXCITED!!"
This also could be because of the fact that while I plowed through this book, I stopped eating real food, dropped a ton of weight, and made myself sick. I thought I might want to eat real food again and was going to order delivery. Saw Waitr has Izzo's now and I could have had a big, beautiful vegetarian burrito delivered to my face hole. My stomach pretty much said, "Yeah, I still don't want to eat." So I closed the app and went back to writing.
I pretty much look like Gollum right now and I have to go to a family function later today. They are either going to A: throw food at me or B: their electronics are going to be so broken I spend the entire time huddled in the corner fixing them no one notices my resemblance to Gollum.
I did catch up on season 3 of Z nation while writing the Salome story. I have an idea for my next book, which, oddly, does not involve zombies considering I was watching a zombie show. It has 0 to do with zombies and there's a Ben Folds song involved. Maybe it came to me because I was trying to distract myself from that really bad wig they put a character in. Hello, lace fronts are awesome. Use them.
My version of the Salome story is actually full of drug lords, cocaine, snitches, and sex. That's just where I decided to take it. I'm looking for people who want ARC's in exchange for a review. If you click HERE
and sign up, once I'm finished and done editing, I'll pop a free copy over to you for review
I make my own covers. Generally, they are also photos I have taken myself aside from the Mauve series because I don't have the props for it here. I ended up having to use a stock photo for the prequel to The Spirus, which I still haven't blogged about, but is out, but all the art work to it aside from the photo is mine.
I have this folder full of covers that made it and covers in various states of undress where I started a filter and didn't like it. For the prequel to "The Spirus", I made a blue, purple, and red themed cover. Red was the one that won, Figuring out what I want to eat also usually takes 3 days and about 4 trial runs.
The book I'm working on now, I have about 6 versions of the cover that are potentials. I decided on one I liked and put my title and name on it. I have computer installed fonts and fonts I downloaded. I put a font I found and haven't used before on the cover and now I have no fucking idea which font it is for the spine.
I'm going to have to go on a font scavenger hunt when it comes time to put a paperback cover together. I'm getting close to finishing the book, which is a modern day twist on the Salome story. I only hope Amazon doesn't put this book in biblical fiction, otherwise, I'm going to piss a whole hell of a lot of people off
I pretty much have my first hater. I'm not sure if that means I've made and I can retire to my castle with pygmy goats. I know who it is and what their problem is.
Pretty much the only thing I will dignify with an actual response is that I was accused in public of using a ghost writer. Everything on online with my name on it was written directly BY me, usually after a 16 hour work day. I write between 4-6 hours a day, usually into the later hours of the night.
My work and writing schedule has changed 3 times since November due to where I work. I went from writing everything until the wee hours of the morning to having to get up way before my body was ready as a night person and having to learn to write in the afternoon. About a month ago, my schedule changed again. I work in the morning, I get a 4 hour break where I feed myself and try to fit as much writing in as I can, then I go back to work for a few more hours. I clock out and write for another few hours.
Basically, my knees are falling apart from the way I write. I danced for years, both for local companies and in school. My flexibility was quite loved by choreographers, but my bendy knees decided to give themselves runners knee the way I sit to write for so many hours. I don't run. Ever. If you see me running, you should run too because basically, the Walking Dead is happening.
So basically, I don't ghost write. My body is turning against me for the way I sit to write and I currently look like Gollum from staying up late to write and getting up early for work.
Say whatever you want about me because you're pissed, whatever. Vomit all over internet random shit about me. It's been 3 months and it's probably time to just move on. I'm generally not going to respond to it until you try to say my written word and my ideas are not my own and something I pay someone else for
The Spirus is an adult fantasy novel. I will have ARC's available by the end of the day? Want to know a little more about it? Check out the book trailer..
Want to be an ARC reviewer? Sign up below
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I couldn't help it. Like, COULD NOT. I blame the rum.
My facebook popped up this story that Rush Limbaugh claimed on his show that Obama was paying lesbians to become farmers to infiltrate rural areas. Why they are coming? I have no idea. Probably that pesky gay agenda.
My mind started running. I can't catch it when it does that because I have bad knees and I danced for years and can no longer run like a normal person. My brain went there. I try not to pick at it when it's doing it's thing. WHAT IF these lesbians arrived on fifteen foot Clydesdales in a majestic cloud of dust? WHAT IF they had cows with laser eyes? Stay with me a minute, I do theatre. What are the lesbians motivation? What do they want?
Horchata rum is my new favorite thing, so I spiked a frappucino and got to writing. Attack of the Lesbian Farmers was born. There's lesbians, farmers, fifteen foot Clydesdales, and a cow named Anne Boelyn.
Jeb thinks his farm is safe, way out where he lives, at least for the next year or so while he comes up with a plan to drive the invading lesbians out when they do show up.
Jeb was not expecting the lesbians to arrive on fifteen-foot-high Clydesdales with demon red eyes and a cow named Anne Boleyn. Will the lesbians run Jeb out of business and steal his wife, who sometimes has opinions as he fears? What do these lesbians want?